WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE 

Growing up, my father had a few “choice” words that he used from time to time that would prompt my mother to respond with; “Bill, watch your language!” Of course, wanting to be like my father, I used those same words, which would prompt my mother to say; “son, watch your language!” and she usually added a swat to my backside.

My ninth grade speech teacher, Jan Rash (I am still in touch with Jan and her husband Dan Rash, my two favorite educators of all my years…to this day), a lady who never once raised her voice, taught her students that “it is the responsibility of the communicator to choose their words, their tone of voice, timing and body language effectively so the person(s) receiving the message would clearly process the message.”

A LIFE CHANGING CONVERSATION

Make no mistake, this author is an authority on communicating…check that….an authority on putting his foot in his mouth. I can humbly admit now…that I used to: Be a loud talker to gain attention; interrupt people to insert my own story out of ego; talk a lot because I thought people were hanging on every word; and, have a bigger fish story or a more exciting story to one up the other person in the conversation

Then it happened. Truly one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. A very close and respected friend told me that he didn’t want to have any further conversations with me. Ouch!

“If you are going to handle both sides of the conversation, why do I need to speak?” He told me what I was doing was not drawing people to me but repelling them. Thinking back 25 plus years, in reality he wanted his friend to be a more authentic person. He called me on it, out of true friendship to help change my behavior. Hard to hear…but life changing. Thank you, Gary!

Just so you know, this is a constant work in progress.

Here are 7 recommendations for having better communications to gain deeper, authentic relationships and more client relationships along the way.

One: It’s not about you.

Being truly and authentically inquisitive about others is the best trait a successful communicator can have. Learn to love hearing people’s stories about themselves, because everyone has a story. Make the communication about you and you will lose people.

Two: Talk less.

There is too much talk in the world as it is. A great rule of thumb is the power of 3s. Three statements about your company: an advantage of using your company, why they should outsource, and a particular advantage or characteristic of your service or 30 seconds, whichever comes first. Followed by an affirming question such as “does that make sense?”

Invite someone from your company to join your next meeting and ask them to monitor how long you speak to a prospect without asking a question.

Three: Ask a question and wait for an answer.

In other words, SHUT UP! A brilliant composer once said, “it is the silence between the notes that makes the music”. Weak salespeople can’t stand silence. Too many salespeople ask a question, answer their own question and then ask more questions without getting the prospect’s answer to their first question. You can’t discover the needs of your prospects if you don’t ask great questions and actively listen for their response. Ask a question, and wait for an answer, affirm or ask another question. Silence is golden.

Four: Refrain from finishing other people’s sentences or the need to affirm another person’s statement.

The next time you attend a business or social gathering, watch and listen for people who finish other people’s sentences. Watch the body language of the person who was interrupted. Does the person who finished the sentence gain rapport with the person they interrupted? Not likely. Simply listen, and sincerely support the person(s) in the conversation. Challenge yourself to ask authentic questions that further the conversation as opposed to talking about yourself at all. You will be amazed at the results. This is something that you can practice. Remember, your goal is focusing on others rather than focusing on or drawing attention to yourself. Do your best to refrain from interrupting and inserting your own experience or making statements such as: I know what you mean, or, that happened to me too.

Five: Speak softer.

I don’t know who said it, but it’s a great reminder; “the loudest person in the room is usually the weakest.”

It’s pretty cool when you experience this. During the next conversation you are having, in mid-sentence, when appropriate, lower the volume of your voice. People will draw closer to hear what you are saying (unless you have violated recommendations 1 – 4 above).

Six: Avoid using weak words.

If you want to instill confidence in your audience, a client or your kids, avoid using weak or insincere words like the ones below.

Weak Insecure Words:

• Try
• Might
• Kind of
• Maybe
• A few

Stronger Alertnative Words:

• Strive
• Will
• Rather
• Definitely, Perhaps
• Any, Many

Seven: When possible, avoid the use of the pronoun “I.”

This can be difficult. Opt for “we”, “our”, or “our team”. Especially in written communications. Attempt…not try (weak word) to put the focus on the other person. Instead of saying “I want” replace it with “you gain…”

Put all of these recommendations into practice…they do indeed take practice. Watch your language and you will be amazed at your ability to build a greater level of rapport and authentic relationships.